{"product_id":"certified-brain-rot-sweatshirt","title":"Certified Brain Rot Fleece Sweatshirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis fleece sweatshirt has been reviewed, assessed, and officially certified by the InDiscreet committee following a thorough evaluation of the wearer's internet usage, screen time, and general disposition. It is softer than the hoodie. The committee did not intend for this to happen. It happened anyway. We consider it a bonus. You probably do too.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCERTIFIED ARTICLE OF CLOTHING — \"CERTIFIED BRAIN ROT\" COLLECTION\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003eThis garment has been formally processed and approved for public wear. It bears an official certification. That certification was issued by InDiscreet. InDiscreet issued it to you specifically. You know why.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003eThis is not a medical diagnosis. This is not an intervention. This is a fleece sweatshirt. It has been certified by the relevant committee and cleared for immediate deployment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat it says:\u003c\/strong\u003e That you have been evaluated and found to be, beyond reasonable doubt, extremely online.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat it means:\u003c\/strong\u003e That is between you and your screen time report.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr class=\"border-border-200 border-t-0.5 my-3 mx-1.5\"\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eInDiscreet assumes no liability for unsolicited opinions, knowing looks, or conversations initiated by this garment. All certifications are final. The committee has spoken. Wear at your own jurisdiction.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct: Port \u0026amp; Company PC78 Port \u0026amp; Company ® - Core Fleece Crewneck Sweatshirt. PC78\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e7.8 oz.,\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e50% cotton \/ 50% poly fleece\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAir jet yarn for softness\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"InDiscreet","offers":[{"title":"Navy \/ S","offer_id":47721709535337,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zll","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ M","offer_id":47721709568105,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zlm","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ L","offer_id":47721709600873,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zln","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ XL","offer_id":47721709633641,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zlo","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721709666409,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zlp","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721709699177,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zlq","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 4XL","offer_id":47721709731945,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zmz","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ S","offer_id":47721709764713,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zn1","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ M","offer_id":47721709797481,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zn3","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ L","offer_id":47721709830249,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zn8","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ XL","offer_id":47721709863017,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znb","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721709895785,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znd","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721709928553,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zne","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47721709961321,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znf","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ S","offer_id":47721709994089,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zng","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ M","offer_id":47721710026857,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zni","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ L","offer_id":47721710059625,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znj","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ XL","offer_id":47721710092393,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znk","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721710125161,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znl","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721710157929,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znn","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ 4XL","offer_id":47721710190697,"sku":"19g649mqsr2zno","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ S","offer_id":47721710223465,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znp","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ M","offer_id":47721710256233,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znq","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ L","offer_id":47721710289001,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znr","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ XL","offer_id":47721710321769,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znt","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721710354537,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znu","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721710387305,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znv","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ 4XL","offer_id":47721710420073,"sku":"19g649mqsr2znx","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0688\/2184\/4073\/files\/ninjapod_13089559_f_PC78_fb2f_f.jpg?v=1782346602","url":"https:\/\/indiscreetclothing.store\/products\/certified-brain-rot-sweatshirt","provider":"InDiscreet","version":"1.0","type":"link"}