{"product_id":"certified-brain-rot-hoodie","title":"Certified Brain Rot Hoodie","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis hoodie has been reviewed, assessed, and officially certified by the InDiscreet committee following a thorough evaluation of the wearer's internet usage, screen time, and general disposition. It is the same certification as the shirt but warmer, which the committee felt was appropriate given the condition. You've earned the comfort. You know what you did.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCERTIFIED ARTICLE OF CLOTHING — \"CERTIFIED BRAIN ROT\" COLLECTION\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003eThis garment has been formally processed and approved for public wear. It bears an official certification. That certification was issued by InDiscreet. InDiscreet issued it to you specifically. You know why.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003eThis is not a medical diagnosis. This is not an intervention. This is a hoodie. It has been certified by the relevant committee and cleared for immediate deployment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat it says:\u003c\/strong\u003e That you have been evaluated and found to be, beyond reasonable doubt, extremely online.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat it means:\u003c\/strong\u003e That is between you and your screen time report.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr class=\"border-border-200 border-t-0.5 my-3 mx-1.5\"\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eInDiscreet assumes no liability for unsolicited opinions, knowing looks, or conversations initiated by this garment. All certifications are final. The committee has spoken. Wear at your own jurisdiction.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct: J America JA8824 Adult Adult Premium Fleece Pullover Hood\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e10 oz.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e80\/20 cotton\/polyester fleece fabric\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFashion heather colors are 9 oz.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoverstitching throughout\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eJersey-lined hood\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFront pouch pocket\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSpandex blend rib knit cuffs and waistband\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"InDiscreet","offers":[{"title":"WHITE \/ S","offer_id":47721706651753,"sku":"19g649mqsqumu7","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"WHITE \/ M","offer_id":47721706684521,"sku":"19g649mqsqumu8","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"WHITE \/ L","offer_id":47721706717289,"sku":"19g649mqsqumu9","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"WHITE \/ XL","offer_id":47721706750057,"sku":"19g649mqsqumua","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"WHITE \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721706782825,"sku":"19g649mqsqumub","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"WHITE \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721706815593,"sku":"19g649mqsqumuc","price":40.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"FOSSIL \/ S","offer_id":47721706848361,"sku":"19g649mqsqumud","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"FOSSIL \/ M","offer_id":47721706881129,"sku":"19g649mqsqumue","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"FOSSIL \/ L","offer_id":47721706913897,"sku":"19g649mqsqumuf","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"FOSSIL \/ XL","offer_id":47721706946665,"sku":"19g649mqsqumug","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"FOSSIL \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721706979433,"sku":"19g649mqsqumuh","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"FOSSIL \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721707012201,"sku":"19g649mqsqumui","price":40.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"BLACK \/ S","offer_id":47721707044969,"sku":"19g649mqsqumuj","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"BLACK \/ M","offer_id":47721707077737,"sku":"19g649mqsqumuk","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"BLACK \/ L","offer_id":47721707110505,"sku":"19g649mqsqumul","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"BLACK \/ XL","offer_id":47721707143273,"sku":"19g649mqsqumum","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"BLACK \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721707176041,"sku":"19g649mqsqumun","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"BLACK \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721707208809,"sku":"19g649mqsqumuo","price":40.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ash Heather \/ S","offer_id":47721707241577,"sku":"19g649mqsqumup","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ash Heather \/ M","offer_id":47721707274345,"sku":"19g649mqsqumuq","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ash Heather \/ L","offer_id":47721707307113,"sku":"19g649mqsqumur","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ash Heather \/ XL","offer_id":47721707339881,"sku":"19g649mqsqumus","price":38.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ash Heather \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721707372649,"sku":"19g649mqsqumut","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ash Heather \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721707405417,"sku":"19g649mqsqumuu","price":40.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0688\/2184\/4073\/files\/ninjapod_13089518_f_JA8824_00_f.jpg?v=1782346183","url":"https:\/\/indiscreetclothing.store\/products\/certified-brain-rot-hoodie","provider":"InDiscreet","version":"1.0","type":"link"}