{"product_id":"certified-brain-rot-fleece-joggers","title":"Certified Brain Rot Fleece Joggers","description":"\u003cp\u003eThese pants have been reviewed, assessed, and officially certified by the InDiscreet committee. The certification appears on the garment itself, which the committee acknowledges is a bit much for a pair of pants. They stand by the decision. So do we. So do you, apparently, because you're still reading this.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCERTIFIED ARTICLE OF CLOTHING — \"CERTIFIED BRAIN ROT\" COLLECTION\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003eThis garment has been formally processed and approved for public wear. It bears an official certification. That certification was issued by InDiscreet. InDiscreet issued it to you specifically. You know why.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003eThis is not a medical diagnosis. This is not an intervention. These are pants. It has been certified by the relevant committee and cleared for immediate deployment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat it says:\u003c\/strong\u003e That you have been evaluated and found to be, beyond reasonable doubt, extremely online.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat it means:\u003c\/strong\u003e That is between you and your screen time report.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr class=\"border-border-200 border-t-0.5 my-3 mx-1.5\"\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eInDiscreet assumes no liability for unsolicited opinions, knowing looks, or conversations initiated by this garment. All certifications are final. The committee has spoken. Wear at your own jurisdiction.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct: Port \u0026amp; Company PC78J \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e7.8 oz.,\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e50% cotton \/ 50% poly fleece\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRemovable tag for comfort and relabeling\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eElastic, self-fabric waistband and self-fabric cuffs\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDyed-to-match exterior drawcord\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFront pockets\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"InDiscreet","offers":[{"title":"Navy \/ S","offer_id":47721711796329,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqk7","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ M","offer_id":47721711829097,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqk8","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ L","offer_id":47721711861865,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqk9","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ XL","offer_id":47721711894633,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqkb","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721711927401,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqkd","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721711960169,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqkf","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 4XL","offer_id":47721711992937,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqkh","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ S","offer_id":47721712025705,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqki","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ M","offer_id":47721712058473,"sku":"19g649mqsrfql0","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ L","offer_id":47721712091241,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqlk","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ XL","offer_id":47721712124009,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqlm","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721712156777,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqlo","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721712189545,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqm4","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Jet Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":47721712222313,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqm7","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ S","offer_id":47721712255081,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqma","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ M","offer_id":47721712287849,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqns","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ L","offer_id":47721712320617,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqnu","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ XL","offer_id":47721712353385,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqnw","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721712386153,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqo1","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721712418921,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqo3","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather Grey \/ 4XL","offer_id":47721712451689,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqo5","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ S","offer_id":47721712484457,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqo6","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ M","offer_id":47721712517225,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqo8","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ L","offer_id":47721712549993,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqog","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ XL","offer_id":47721712582761,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqoi","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ 2XL","offer_id":47721712615529,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqok","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ 3XL","offer_id":47721712648297,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqom","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Athletic Heather \/ 4XL","offer_id":47721712681065,"sku":"19g649mqsrfqon","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0688\/2184\/4073\/files\/ninjapod_13089621_f_PC78J_fb2f_f.jpg?v=1782347191","url":"https:\/\/indiscreetclothing.store\/products\/certified-brain-rot-fleece-joggers","provider":"InDiscreet","version":"1.0","type":"link"}